How to Build Your Self Confidence - Esesien Ita

Self confidence is trust in one’s ability. As a young believer, I considered this an anathema. How could any Christian ever think of trusting in him or herself, instead of trusting in the Lord? They must be filled with pride, I thought, who think like that! But a Christian counsellor put me through. I have since come to know that belief in oneself is not an affront to faith in the Lord. In fact, faith in oneself and faith in the Lord are synergistic. They complement each other. When people have faith in themselves, they can easily release hitherto innate powers to the achieving of their goals.

This is not without the aid of God. We see this exemplified in David who, when he was to fight Goliath, recounted to King Saul how he once killed a lion and a bear with the help of the LORD (1 Samuel 17: 34 – 37). Without self confidence, it will be impossible to make use of the LORD’s help. If David did not trust in his ability, he would not even have been able to trust in the LORD’s help, much more make use of it. Basic, therefore, to success, is confidence in one’s ability. How then can a person build self confidence?

First, be yourself. Do not try to be like another, imitating their dressing, tone of voice, prayer vocabulary, gesticulations, gait, and the like. Trying to be like another is the first sign of self distrust. Even if someone is your mentor, that does not warrant your picking their peculiarities, because no one develops on the wings of another. David’s self confidence sprang from what he did with the help of God, not from what another did. Someone has said it is much better to be genuinely strange than to be falsely normal. Even when King Saul wanted David to be like him by cladding the lad in his armour, David told the king he would not be able to go on them. Be proud of who you are, of where you come from, of what you have and know and can do. Stop lamenting over what you are not, over what you don’t know or don’t have. It is what a person has (their gift) that makes a way for them in life, not what they don’t have. So, make use of what you have. When Moses felt he was too small to lead the children of Israel, God asked him, “What is that in your hand (Exodus 4: 2)?” “A staff”, Moses replied. That staff in Moses’ hand eventually turned out to be the medium through which God manifested His power in Moses’ ministry. And despite failures in his ministry, Moses is reckoned one of the greatest leaders of Israel (Jeremiah 15: 1). You will succeed as you remain your good self and operate in that light.

Second, acknowledge the challenges AS WELL AS your superior powers to overcome them. Some only acknowledge the challenges. They see the sickness, the failure, the unemployment, the new leadership challenge, and whatever else unsettles them. Like Peter on water, they see everything ‘boisterous’, and forget the Lord who called them on board. We may not do away with the challenges, yet if we are to give up at every one that faces us, we may not likely achieve anything. You must acknowledge that you carry about in your skull a reservoir of ideas, innovation, and solution to every challenge. David acknowledged that in Goliath there was a challenge facing Israel. But unlike the regular soldiers of Israel with full military ranks who had no idea of what to do, David fashioned out a solution from what he knew best to do – his catapult and stones. And he succeeded. Your success begins the day you see beyond your challenges and begin to tackle them with ‘what is in your hand’.

Third, stabilize your emotions. I doubt that there is anybody with fixed mood. Mood swings, and for the most part, is conditioned by happenings around us. Thus we tend to respond with joy or sadness, love or hatred, patience or anger, appreciating people or holding them in contempt, forgiveness or bitterness and vengeful tendencies. We can build self confidence by cultivating positive emotions. Practise patience, forgiveness and love. Do this to your mates, to your superiors and to your juniors as well. Appreciate creation. See good and beauty in people and things around you. Don’t be cynical. This will also help you appreciate yourself better. Those who prize themselves at the expense of others are merely on an ego trip. They lack true confidence to admit the exploits of others. Though the armies of the living God were powerless against the enemy, David never scoffed at them. Instead his anger was at the enemy. “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God…? David asked (1 Samuel 17: 26). That was respect to whom respect was due; respect not based on achievement but on the very name they bear. You and everybody around you have the image of God. You were so made. Your beauty is primarily that of God in you, before the physical, mental and social make-ups that add to it. When you appreciate people and things around you, you will be at ease with them, and can function effectively without being uptight. That is confidence.

Fourth, get to action. You can never know your ability until you try something. Don’t speculate about things. Get to doing them. A baby is never sure they can walk until they take the first step. Get to addressing people and you will overcome stage fright. Try that Mathematics or some other class work, and you will be surprised you can do it after all. Kick out the fear of failure. It is better said of a person that they tried something than that they tried nothing. However laughable and imperfect your first efforts may be, they are the expression of your confidence in your ability, and your effort shall surely be rewarded.

Lastly, trust in God. This is not last in importance because it actually runs through from first to last. Any building of self confidence that ignores this point is bound to fail. We do not have our lives in our hands. God does. Let us remind ourselves of an earlier statement in this piece – that faith in ourselves and in God are synergistic. Let your self confidence be the David type, the type that boasts in the LORD and not in self. May God grant you grace to trust in Him, and see the great potential He has imbedded in you. By tapping this, you shall excel. Peace be with you.