LOVE, IS IT?

In a world full of hate, Richard Unimke explores the possibility of love as an antidote. This is the healing balm for relationships, homes, organizations, nations, and the society in general. In this piece, Mr. Unimke shares his thoughts with you. You will find this exciting. Happy reading!

The question, “What is love?” is one of the most difficult questions for humankind. With the passage of time and the blooming of relationships, a concise definition of love has remained elusive. No one has been able to give a proper definition of the word. One attempt has defined it as a strong feeling of deep affection for somebody or something, especially for a member of your family or your friend. Another attempt says Love is a virtue (moral standard) representing all human kindness, compassion and affection. To some, love is friendship set on fire. To others, it is luck. You have to go all the way to look for it if you must find it. However you may define or feel it, love remains the eternal truth in the history of humankind.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is never proud. It does not rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth. Love protects, preserves and hopes for the positive side of life (1 Corinthians 13. 4 – 8). Always stand steadfast in love rather than fall into it. It is like your dream of affection come true. Love can occur between two or more individuals. It bonds them and connects them to a unified link of trust, intimacy and interdependence. It enhances the relationship and comforts the soul. Love should be experienced and not just felt. The depth of love cannot be measured. Look at the relationship between a mother and her child. The mother loves the child unconditionally.

Types of Love

C. S. Lewis in his book “The Four Loves” explores the nature of love from a Christian perspective through thought experiments. Firstly he describes love as being of two types, namely, (1) The Need Love: This is the love of a child for its mother, and (2) The Gift Love: this is the love that aims at giving for the benefit of others. It is epitomized in God’s love for humanity. Lewis further categorized love into four as follows:

1. Storge (Affection): This refers to fondness through familiarity. It exists mainly in families among siblings, and also among people who somehow have found themselves together by chance, for example, students. It is described as the most natural, emotive and widely diffused of loves. It is natural because it is present without coercion, and emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity. It is most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics usually deemed valuable or worthy of love, and as a result transcends most discriminating factors.

2.  Philia (Friendship): This is the love between friends. Friendship is the strong bond existing between people who share common interest or activity. Ironically, friendship has been described as the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary of our loves. Our species does not need friendship to reproduce. This point is used to explain that friendship is exceedingly profound because it is freely chosen.

3. Eros (Romance): Eros is love in the sense of “being in love” or “loving” someone. This is distinct from sexuality which Lewis calls Venus. Venus desires the sexual aspect of a relationship while Eros longs for the emotional connection with the other person.

4. Agape (Unconditional Love): This is love that cares regardless of circumstance. Lewis recognizes this as the greatest of loves, and sees it as a Christian virtue. The subject focuses on the need of subordinating the natural loves to the love of God who is full of charitable, sacrificial love. Agape is the love that God has for His people.

Love does not have much to do with what you can get out of it. It has more to do with what you can put into it. John 15. 13 says “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Love is acceptance of the other person, whatever their state. It looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. Given this position, it is doubtful if what most people, especially the youths, practice today is true love. The opinion of Socrates on youths of his day may still be said of our youths today. He said, “Our youths now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.” We need to imbibe the spirit of selfless love as advocated by the Lord Jesus Christ who died for us that we may live through Him. That is true love. That is lasting love. It is what will speak peace to your life and to our world.

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